Sick of…

not fine as in fine

DISCLAIMER: I am not currently in crisis.  I am just venting.  That’s what this blog is for so please don’t feel the need to ask anyone to check on me.

I’m sick of feeling like a burden to everyone.

I’m sick of not being able to tell if I’m reacting to something in a “normal” way or if I’m OVERreacting.

I’m sick of crying.

I’m sick of being tired.  Physically, mentally, and emotionally tired.

I’m sick of feeling guilty.

I’m sick of not being able to talk to anyone.

I’m sick of just existing and not living.

I’m sick of not knowing who I am anymore.

I’m sick of not having anything to look forward to.

I’m sick of being left out.

I’m sick of not trusting anyone anymore, including myself.

I’m sick of not being good enough at my job.

I’m sick of annoying everyone at work.

I’m sick of people invalidating what I say I’m feeling whenever I DO finally break down and talk to them.

I’m sick of being afraid all the time.

I’m sick of feeling like I deserve the worst.

I’m sick of feeling like the most horrible person in the world.

I’m sick of feeling worthless.

I’m sick of feeling disliked.

I’m sick of feeling unloved.

I’m sick of feeling helpless.

I’m sick of feeling lost.

I’m sick of not being able to use social media because it shows me that everyone else gets along just fine and, worse, that they’re better off and happy without me around.

I’m sick of being me.

I’m sick of feeling like a non-entity.

I’m sick of people wanting to “fix” me when all I need is for someone to understand that I only want a shoulder to cry on.

I’m sick of needing people more than they need me.

I’m sick of caring about people more than they care about me.

I’m sick of feeling as though I could disappear and nobody would notice.

I’m sick of feeling as though I have to prove myself.

I’m sick of feeling like I’m waiting for a judge to pass sentencing on me for everything horrible I’ve ever said or done.

I’m sick of feeling like people are just going to give up on me and walk away after I make the slightest mistake.  Or no mistakes at all.  They could just walk away.

And more than anything, I’m sick of this overwhelming, soul-crushing loneliness.

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2 thoughts on “Sick of…”

  1. I may not completely understand what you’re going through, though I can relate to some of what you’re talk8ng about here… I have said isolated as well. You aren’t alone.
    I don’t have the emotional strength to help you with this (nor would I know how) sadly (I don’t even have it to help myself somedays…) which I know you will also understand. But know that you aren’t alone in how you feel…

    Hugs and love always ❤

    Elise

    Liked by 1 person

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