I was convinced I wasn’t going to live through the holidays to see 2017. I was wrong. I’m still here.
My brother, his girlfriend, and his kids came down on Friday night and even though they had to leave this morning to beat the snowfall that was expected to hit their area, it was great to spend just that little bit of time with them. I didn’t go anywhere last night or “celebrate” ringing in the New Year in any way and I’m perfectly fine with that. This was also the first New Year’s Eve in sixteen years that I didn’t worry about my parents driving to and from whatever casino they went to because they didn’t go anywhere this year either. They would have to drive through foothills and/or mountains whenever they went out and even though neither one of them drinks, I would always worry about them going back and forth. I didn’t even stay awake until midnight! I think I went to bed around ten or so because I just felt so run down. I still do. My immune system doesn’t want to cooperate.
The ear infection that began in only my right ear around Thanksgiving is still around, despite three different antibiotics, and it’s now in both ears to boot. I had bronchitis too, but that went away thankfully. Now I have sinusitis in addition to the bilateral ear infection. I went to the doctor before work on Friday and was put back on antibiotics and he also prescribed Prednisone. I also had X-rays of my sinuses. I don’t know how to read X-ray results but my friend does speak “Medicalese” and she said there was “nothing remarkable” about the results. “Nothing remarkable” is good, I think. The doctor did say that I might need to see an Ear/Nose/Throat specialist but I guess I won’t hear anything on that until at least Tuesday.
But the worst year of my life is over now. I lived through it, I’m going to learn from it, and I’m going to do my damnedest to not revisit it in any way. Aside from my immune system being a complete bitch, I’ve felt pretty good the past few days. Mentally, I mean. Because I’m me, I am kind of worried that the Prednisone might be partially responsible for that since it is a steroid and can induce “euphoria” in some people. That’s the good part. The bad part is when you stop taking it and risk a “crash” from that good mood. I’ve been prescribed Prednisone before and don’t remember anything like that happening to me, though. If I wasn’t worried about something I wouldn’t be me, I guess. I feel okay right now. I’m just glad for that. I think the only crying I’ve done is over some of 2016’s latest casualties. Most particularly Carrie Fisher.
If you don’t know anything about her beyond her career as an actress, you’re missing out. She was a brilliant writer. She wrote screenplays as well as books. And she was outspoken about her struggles with mental illness and addiction. Go watch any one of the many interviews she’s given over the years and you will be treated to a woman with razor-sharp wit that does not take shit from anyone. Of course I loved her as Leia. I’m a nerd, that’s practically a requirement. She was a self-rescuing princess in those three original films but as much as I loved that version of Leia, what she became in “The Force Awakens” meant fucking EVERYTHING to me. (And I won’t even go into what Rey meant to me right now. It would involve more crying.) Growing up as a female Star Wars fan thinking that you’re not allowed to have any Star Wars toys BECAUSE you’re a girl messes with you. I was too afraid to even ask for them. Years passed and then “The Force Awakens” came out. She was GENERAL Leia Organa. And we find out she lost fucking everything but she was never even tempted to turn to the Dark Side, unlike the Skywalker boys. She was never just a princess for me. And I prefer to call her General. Not only was Carrie Fisher a role model as Leia, she was a personal hero to me as herself. Once again, Jenny “The Bloggess” Lawson nailed it with this post.
We lost a lot of incredible people in 2016. Some of them deserved just as much media attention, if not more, as Carrie Fisher, like Dr. “DA” Henderson. He was a major player in eradicating smallpox. He died on August 19th. I only heard that he’d died this past week though and I felt horrible for not knowing because I’ve read about him and his work quite a bit. When I saw the date that he died, I understood why I hadn’t heard though. That’s the day I came home from the psych hospital. I’m not going to go on about everyone that’s gone now. And I’m not really in the mood to talk about all the horrible stuff that made 2016 the worst year of my life. It sucked pretty hard for a lot of people.
I honestly thought I wasn’t going to live. I did. Right now, I feel like that’s the best “fuck you” to 2016 I can give.