Gonna be a bad night

***NO, anyone reading this does NOT have to “check on me” or ask any member of my family to “check on me.”  I fucking hate that I can’t use this blog as an outlet without that disclaimer now because some wanna-be hero contacted them once.  I WILL BE FINE.  LEAVE MY FAMILY ALONE.***

 

It’s going to be a bad night for wanting to self-harm.

If I know who I’m going to see on a daily basis, I can usually mentally prepare myself and get through the day just fine but if I run into someone unexpected, that really fucks me up.  That happened.  I no longer have to work in the same building with ONE person I used to be close to, I now have to work in the same building with one of their kids as well.  I didn’t know that until I ran into her today and I’m completely off kilter.

I’m supposed to act like nothing ever happened, apparently!  Wish it was that easy.  It’s fucking not.  No one actually wants to discuss any of this, of course.  And there is way too much that can be misunderstood in text or email.

I want to cut.  I want to hit myself.  I want to get drunk.  I won’t.

And if a single person out there wants to pity me for anything, any reason, you can take that pity and shove it right up your ass.  I will not be pitied.  Fuck pity.

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1 thought on “Gonna be a bad night”

  1. I don’t know the details of your situation, but I wish it didn’t suck so bad. As a fellow self-harmer, I understand how you are feeling right now. I last harmed in April. I really wanted to a month ago, but what I did instead was take a permanent marker and draw on my arms the things I wanted to cut. And shockingly, I found it actually helped the way I was feeling. I know it’s hard for you tonight. But keep to what you said above: “I won’t.”

    Liked by 1 person

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