So confused…

I’d probably be a lot worse mentally and emotionally if this ear infection wasn’t hurting so much, but I’m just so confused.  I have no idea what’s supposed to happen now.  I can’t shake this feeling that I’m waiting to be sentenced or something.  I guess she and I are talking.  I don’t want to be wrong though.  I don’t want to think that everything might work out after all only to have it all fall apart again.  And I somehow worked up the nerve to actually look at him and speak to him yesterday but today it was like that hadn’t happened.  I know they have all kinds of awful things going on right now so I definitely don’t want to bother them.  2016 continues to suck HARD, and not just for me, apparently.

My boss was kind of pushy about me signing up to go to the company Christmas party so I wrote my name down with a “plus-one” and a “Tentative” after it just so he’d quit bugging me.  I kind of want to go but so far I don’t want to badly enough to think about what I’d wear or plan anything with coworkers.  I’m not really able to focus on much of anything with this ear hurting like it is, otherwise I’d be obsessing over stuff that’s happened in the past few days.

For now, all I want is a full night’s sleep.  I don’t want to wake up from an especially vivid dream or because my ear is hurting, which is how things have been since Sunday night.  I’m a wee bit sick of it.


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