Yup.  2016 is the worst year of my life.  Maybe last?

David Bowie died.  Alan Rickman died.  Prince died.  I had illnesses I’ve never had and others that I hadn’t had since childhood.

I lost my best friends and tried to kill myself.  I’m not dealing with that AT ALL.  That’s a daily “do I kill myself or not?” thing.  I need them right now more than ever and they hate me.

And now Trump.  I can’t believe this.  The chances of me surviving the holidays this year have declined to nearly zero.  It’s always a bad time for me.  Without my best friends, I have nothing left.  Nothing.

I’m sobbing.  This cannot be happening.  Am I really that horrible that I cursed the entire country?!  It’s stupid as hell but I feel like this is somehow all my fault.  Everything.

I’m so scared.

Please, you guys, if you’re reading this, I will do anything.  Please.  Tell me what I need to do.  Please.  I need to do ONE thing right.  Just one.  Please tell me how to make it right.  Even if it means that you don’t speak to me again it at least means that you guys are happy and healing.  Please just tell me.

*disclaimer I might be slightly drunk.  It’s just wine and I don’t have any pills to mix it with so I’ll be okay but I couldn’t watch this election coverage without alcohol.*

(nobody tell my parents)


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