Not coping. At all.

I don’t know if it’s because it’s election night or what, but I can see myself calling a suicide hotline tonight if I can’t pull out of this.  I think I made everything worse somehow.  I don’t know how but that’s what I think.  I want to be done.  I’m turning off my cell phone and I’m watching a live stream of election coverage here so I’m not disappearing or anything and I would definitely call a hotline before doing anything stupid.

I’m just not coping.